There was a time not so long ago when I had started questioning the existence of God. There were no disappointments over unanswered prayers nor any life shattering events that made me lose faith. I had simply grown out of touch with the Lord and his word. Being out of the Lord’s presence while entertaining and being exposed to negative thoughts and ideas about Christianity leaves one open to indifference. Furthermore, my life was moving along seemingly fine, no reality check in sight, so this indifference slowly morphed into full blown skepticism. Day by day with the distance between us growing wider, it got easier accepting the idea that there was nothing else out there, no superior being, and that I alone was in charge of my destiny.
I resented the “bible thumping” preachers who dared to bare my soul and I scoffed at what I dubbed, the hypocritical Christians who were only “Godly” on Sundays. Sadly, I was also accepting the idea of there being no heaven and even better no hell. But, if I was being honest with myself, I would have acknowledged that it was just easier on my conscience believing I had no one to answer to and that there would be no consequences for my growing disbelief and lack of faith. Now in my defense I must say, I was still the kind decent compassionate person I am today, but there was something missing. Peace and contentment were missing.
Luckily for me, he cared enough to rescue my soul. Now most of us believers will agree that the Lord no longer performs miracles like parting the seas and walking on water, but I’ll be the first to say, he still does perform miracles. He performs small meaningful ones in my life almost every day and once I started looking and listening to him, they became very apparent. Being diagnosed with leukemia saved by soul. Sure, it had ravaged my body and had almost taken my life, but it was during this time that I had my awakening that there was indeed something out there greater than this physical world. He showed me numerous signs of his existence and being confined to a hospital bed I had time to slow down, see and appreciate them. I simply listened and he revealed himself to me more and more each day. I had forgotten how to pray; in fact, it hadn’t felt natural to do so in quite a long time. That too comes with distance and indifference. Slowly I learned how to pray again, and I started learning how to let go and let the Lord take over.
Today I have found peace and contentment and I’m in my best space spiritually and mentally. I spend my life daily in God’s presence reading his word. He calms my fears and my anxieties about the future, and he guides my thoughts and my actions. I wholly accept him as the master of my destiny and all I need do now is follow him. He speaks to me daily and thankfully I have come to realize that all we have to do to hear him is believe, spend time with him, pray and just listen.
Thanks for reading, Sincerely Jan!
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