I Cried…

My sister called me yesterday while I was on my way to the memorial service of a mutual friend. During our conversation the topic of my blog came up and of how infrequent they now were. I explained that I was just not inspired to write as often anymore, but what I should have said was, I was still inspired to write but what I wanted to write about was not always inspirational. Somewhere amidst all this brokenness, sadness and disappointment I had lost my mojo to write and the loss of the person for whom this memorial service was for, was just one of the final straws that broke this writer’s back. Lately all I have wanted to write about could be considered as venting and complaining and while I understand that it’s perfectly okay to do so every once in a while, I had promised myself never to be that gal, at least not too often. But yesterday at the memorial service I was inspired.

The truth is, this wasn’t one of my closest friends, in fact she wasn’t even my friend. She was a coworker of my husband but those of you with partners will understand that sometimes you will become close and personal with the people your partners spend most of their days with, especially if it’s over a period of twenty plus years. Yes, I knew her very well, I liked and admired her, and I knew what she meant to the lives of her family and the people she worked with. So, I was touched and deeply moved as I listened to the life she lived as expressed through the words of her children and the other people who loved her. They reflected on how much she loved to laugh, sing and dance and her knack for planning celebrations to bring people together at home and at work. She was a people person, to that I can attest, and she loved plants, sports and travelling. They lamented on dreams unfulfilled, disappointments unresolved, potential unreached and how much they would miss her. I couldn’t help thinking I could be her; she could have been me. There was going to be a void in her family, and as they reminisced and spoke lovingly while they celebrated her life, she stood on a shelf now reduced to mere ashes. That’s the cycle of life, I knew it, I accepted it but still I stood quietly in the back of the room, and I cried. I cried for a life so well lived, a person so well loved, I mourned for a life taken way too soon.

So, this morning in bed during one of my daily reckonings, I thought about her and the life she lived. I spoke with my husband about our lives and what legacy and impact we would leave behind when we were gone. What will our loved ones say about the life we lived and where do we go from here? I said a prayer for her and her family and then I said a prayer for me and mine. Long after my husband had fallen back to sleep, I lay quietly in bed still awake, and I cried.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born, and a time to die…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…”

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2, 4

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26 thoughts on “I Cried…

  1. We can’t circumvent the pain that comes with loss through death..A realization that death doesn’t happen “To” life it happens “IN” life will give us a different perspective and understand that is a part of our lives,difficult yet worth embracing.This perspective won’t lessen the pain nevertheless it gives us the courage the go through the pain without being imprisoned to it

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  2. Life is so precious, in these moments and as we get older it reminds us all of our own mortality. Let’s make the most of each day that we have been blessed. Celebrate life today,. Love as much as you can. We have no control over what the future holds, though it does not make the pain any less.

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    1. Oh no, I’m so sorry! Yes, it’s so important that we live a life that is intentional and full of meaning and purpose because we have no idea when our time will be up. Blessings to you and your family Warren 💕.


  3. Very heartfelt Jan…I hear you…I feel you. One thing I have come to embrace in life is the reality of pain, loss, triumph, the bitter, the sweet…all of it. I am allowed to feel, to walk through it all- God is OK with it all. The key is to come out on the other side with a heart of gratitude and trust that God knows what I don’t. That His way is perfect even when I don’t get it…even when it causes my tears to flow.💕💕

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  4. I’m sorry, Jan, about the friend. Your piece was inspirational. So much of what you write is inspirational, even when the topic is sad or when you vent. Your work connects to me because there is always something in your essays that I can relate to, and knowing someone else feels that way, makes me feel less alone.

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      1. Thanks, Janice. You’re a wonderful writer. I often admire your essays and their honest and relevant nature. Sometimes you say something and it’s just so powerful. I think as writers it’s natural to admire other writers and think, “I wish I’d written that!” or “Geez, I wish I could write like that!” I’ve heard other writers say the same thing. I often feel that way too. But then I remind myself to be true to my voice and write about things that I like to write about. Your piece about your and your husband’s friend also touched me because my mother just had quadruple by-pass surgery. She’s 82 and I’ve had to really face the idea of her mortality. Have a wonderful day. Keep writing, from your heart, even when your heart isn’t all happy, happy. Keep sharing your beautiful photos. Those always make me go, awe!

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  5. There are seasons in our life path. Death reminds us that it is “appointed for all the die”. Death gives us a time to reflect on the blessings we received from those who have gone through the door of death, but also on where our life is and who we are, and if there are things we want to change. Death is a doorway everyone must go through. Seasons of sorrow everyone has. Tears are prayers.

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  6. A beautiful post Janice, you made me interested in this person I wouldn’t have known existed without your account of the day. You have described someone who was obviously full of life, and in doing so in doing so have paid her a great tribute.

    Don’t worry about the frequency of your blogs, I have resolved only to write one when I feel inspired to, not to fill a slot. Your blogs are always so well written and worth waiting for.

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  7. I’m so sorry! You don’t have to be a close friend or family member to mourn someone, I believe. She obviously touched you, and so did the memories that were shared at her funeral. Death does make us think more deeply about how we live our lives, and what we truly believe. As sad as it is, it can bring us closer to God that way. This post was a lovely tribute, thank you for sharing that!

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  8. Sorry for your loss. I can definitely relate to all of this. Death is inevitable, yet when it comes it brings trauma, heart aches and every emotion we do not want to feel, but thank goodness for a good cry or a few good cries to help with healing and release. As for the writers block, that’s me right now. I have so much I want to write, yet it seems like I just can’t get it out. I think the stress of this job has a major role to play here. But it’ll work itself out – I’m confident. 🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Very sorry about your friend Janice. Nice piece, btw. Sometimes hearing about other people’s loss and disappointment is as impactful as the inspirational ones. And glad you got a good cry after 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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