Recently a friend on social media boldly shared a post listing a number of prerequisites a guy had to possess before being eligible to date her. After first admiring the set of “balls” on this woman, I seriously started wondering how many other women and men had lists of prerequisites for dating. Now if you’re asking me if it’s ever okay to have such a checklist, I’ve decided it’s okay. The way I figure it, we make them for routine things such as going to the grocery store, buying a new car, or going on vacation, surely, we could all appreciate their usefulness for something as important as finding another human being with whom to spend the rest of our lives. But let me say this, if you’re going to make a checklist it had better be a darn good one. It shouldn’t be superficial, and it should be able to help you identify a good man or woman who’s gonna love, cherish and respect you no matter what. If it has no chance in helping you to do that, then what’s the whole point of it all?
This aforementioned checklist included requirements ranging from employment and height to athleticism and having good teeth, and I guess it’s understandable for us all to want a strong, good-looking partner, after all we have our off springs to think about. But it wasn’t so much an issue of what was on the list of prerequisites as much as it was about what was not on the list. There were no requirements of faithfulness, respect, honesty, compatibility or any personal or moral character traits for that matter. Now, in all fairness to the young lady who made the post, maybe for her these moral traits are a given, hence she felt no need to write them down.
But I say write them down, in fact write them all down. When things are in black and white, they have a way of revealing just how feasible or how ridiculous they all are, whether individually or taken together as a whole. And ladies and gentlemen a word of advice, if you’re going to make a list, please be smart, reasonable and flexible. It’s not so much about finding superman or even the perfect mate. It’s about finding someone with whom you can develop mutual love and respect, and someone with whom you can go the distance with.
Sincerely Jan 
After making the list, I remember reading once, you should review it and answer: How many of these qualities do I have to offer?
LikeLiked by 3 people
That is such a valid point!! Often, we want everything in a partner while we are not willing to give the same or are greatly lacking many necessary qualities.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Intuitively to me a list feels horrible. It’s hard enough without knowing you’re up against a list, this isn’t a job someone is going for, even though hopefully it’s a role for life.
I just feel in terms of a relationship it’s something you feel or you don’t. If you then find out they have an aspect of their personality you can’t live with then fair enough, back off. But someone may make everything on the list but that all-important chemistry is indefinable.
My thoughts anyway, but I’m single so what do I know!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Paul, a physical list does sound a little strange. Personally, I am with you, but I guess for those who opt for one there really is no harm in it. I guess a list helps them to visualize the person and makes it feel more attainable to them, similar to how some people swear by a vision board. But you’re right, in the end it comes down to chemistry and compatibility and it’s either you got them, or you don’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great essay! And good advice!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Vickie!
LikeLike
Good post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLike
The superficial changes for me every decade. I’ve liked them in every package possibly.😂😂 What has not changed is their value/belief systems, their heart, how they treat people etc. That has never stopped being sexy. Above all there is that connection – the one that’s hard to explain. When you feel safe , respected, loved, heard, understood, supported and are yourself – vulnerable and unashamed. You also feel safe to reciprocate the same. Good one girl! I’ll tell you about mine one day soon! I sense he’s around here somewhere.😂😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
The qualities on your value/belief system are on point! Every woman should strive for those qualities over looks any day. It’s really not too much to ask and reciprocate. I’m waiting to hear girl, he’s around there somewhere, just keep praying for him to be revealed to. Remember don’t get lost looking for the perfect physical package. Believe me some of the best things come in the most unexpected packages 💕💕.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hear you…💞
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t have a list per se but I have some things that I look for in a partner and if they are not there than it’s a definite no for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As you should Pooja and no you don’t need a physical list if you know what you are looking for.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to have a list in my head of what I wanted in a man, way back when I was young. And the funny thing is, my husband of the past forty-plus years didn’t have many of the traits on the list! But he had the important ones, which as you say, are about character. And that’s probably why our relationship has lasted!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, character is key!! Too many people get caught up on looks and pass up on some good men and women. None of that matters if the person doesn’t love and respect you and is willing to work alongside you with you doing the same. Congrats to you and your husband on 40 plus years!
LikeLike
One of your best posts. I had a list of what I wanted in a husband when I was dating. On the list was nothing about appearance, as time and life events can change appearance. Things like spiritual beliefs, financial responsibility – not meaning wealth, honesty, respect, traits of character. The list dealt with the inner person.
LikeLiked by 1 person
On point! You are correct, it is those inner traits that matter most!
LikeLike
A great post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love this. The opposite of requirements ladies is settling, and God forbid that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or just being smart and finding balance and potential😊. Thanks!
LikeLike